We liked to talk about the hypothetical and an elderly man losing his wife who was his best friend of eighteen years would have us going back and forth as to the sadness and consequences of such a scenario. I know uppermost in Bette’s mind would be his loneliness and who is he talking to now? We would be grateful if he had friends but I would posit he is without a person he talks to on a daily basis.  You would say, “How sad. I would go bonkers if I didn’t have you to talk to.” I agree. Bette says, “I wonder how he copes with such a seismic shift in his daily living” and I say, “I can’t imagine.” I get up and kiss Bette on her forehead and ask if Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell are good for dinner making music and she says, “you have to ask?” During dinner she looks at me and says, “Does he get out much?” I suggest, “Maybe not enough. His energy level is low.” and she says, “That is not acceptable-entropy is to be struggled against.” I said, “I can see him going to bed real early like 6pm and all for human contact in his dreams. His holy grail is to dream the dream of her coming back to him and continuing where they left off.” That upsets you and we stop talking about the hypothetical man and instead talk about the current books we are reading. Later in bed Bette says, “How does he deal with not being able to hold onto dreams and how can that be a viable substitute for human interaction?” I’m feeling tired and considered saying I don’t know we can pick this up tomorrow but I heard something in Bette’s voice that cautioned me to not let this go until tomorrow and so I said, “Maybe he writes them down as soon as he gets the chance and during the day reflects and tries hard to bring the dream fragments together to make sense of the dream if that was the case because some of the dreams may be focused and provide the needed sense of belonging.” Dearest Bette would take issue and remind me that ‘belonging’ involves others and ones dreams should not qualify and if the hypothetical elderly man believes they do he is sadly mistaken.” “So he need go out and make friends but what if he fails time and again for any number of reasons.”, I said. Bette says, “If he is not a member of a church-he should be after all religion is all about belonging; yes that is what he should do.” I said, “I agree but he has to conquer that inertia, don’t you think Bette?” Bette said, “Of course you’re right. I’m sure the grief over his wife must be bringing about such depression and an unwillingness to venture forth. I wonder what he does with his time?” I intimated, “He goes to bed and stares at the ceiling and cries in the remembering.” Bette said, “Let’s hope he has a pet; a dog would be nice don’t you think?” I told Bette, “I agree but I suspect his wife loved cats and with her passing the connection he feels toward them is stronger then ever.” “That is romantic and melancholy. If you don’t mind I’d rather him have a dog and if he were the one to pass then she has the cats; I like the look of that better. Do you agree?”, Bette asked. “I do totally”, I said. I could tell Bette was getting sleepy so I thought a recap would be in order: “He is sick with grief, goes through many a day without speaking, needs a friend, looks for refuge in dreams, doesn’t do much with his time, has a pet dog…” “No more John, please.” “Sorry love it is a bit much.” “Bit?” “Okay hon we need to get some sleep, okay?” “Okay. Who started this by the way?” “I think I did Bette, sorry” “No need to apologize; it’s just so damn sad.” “Duh.” “You know I’m thinking about you and how you’d be without me.” “You mean like you’re on a vacation without me?” “You must be getting tired; you’re going silly on me.” “You know I don’t think about life without you. I can’t. Just the thought really hurts. And when we lose somebody and the thought comes back to me I become Saint Michael and slay that thought for all its worth. I become a boy and embrace the irrational wanting us to go on forever.” “I have a cancellation tomorrow early afternoon; I’ll gladly fit you in.” “Who’s being silly now Bette?” “Okay John let us let the hypothetical man rest also.” That works for me love. Good night.” “Good night John-boy.” “Saw that coming.” “How did you sleep Bette?” “Good John and the old man?” “I’m sure he’s checking his dream notes now and doing his best to piece them together. The usual?” “By that you mean cottage cheese and fruit, waffles with maple syrup and coffee? Yes love thanks.” “Is Beethoven’s sixth symphony okay?” “Perfect. It seems every time we play that piece the mood is set for a good day-even the storm section is a delight.” “I know. I wonder if the old man listens to music? I’ll say yes. You good with that?” “Of course. What’s his name by the way?” “I don’t know if I want to give him a name.” “Yeah  I understand. It kind of fits his not having a name after all he doesn’t have much of a life.” “Oh Bette that is such an ouch. He didn’t deserve that. What if his pain really gets him down and he starts to think about dying to be with her.” “Sorry about that, John. I get angry when it’s so difficult to help someone but I’m working on it, trust me “That’s okay love. What can we do? All the motivation has to come from within. All we can do is hope and pray he will wake up one morning and have even a little something to look forward to.” “I have to say John, in light of what we know about his love for his wife and the terrible grief he is going through that seems to be a tall order.” You know love we’re not even talking about a reason for living because, and I think you’ll agree, he has none.” “Yet he is alive. I have to confess John, I have thought about life without you and what kind of life would that be and how could I go on. Please don’t put me in that position.” “So you’ll take death over grief and leave me in that position?” “Cowardly, I know but after falling in love with you and asking no more of life what is left me with your being gone.” “Oh dear sweet Bette, you don’t think I feel the same way?” “Listen to us John. We’re forgetting about the old man and what he needs.” “I know, how selfish. I wish I had a clue as to what he needs to make each day just a little bit easier.” “How was your breakfast love?” “Good, very good sweetheart.” “Of course all I did was toast the waffles.” “But it’s all about the toaster setting and it was perfect.” “You’re too kind. You see, how is it possible I could go on without you; my one and only?” Bette reached over and moved John’s coffee cup a little to his right and reaching for his hand placed it in hers. She looked into his eyes, smiled and said, “Acceptance my love, acceptance.”

Love To You All