You know I’ll be back in the bedroom. Just wait a little, please. Be patient. You know I can’t stay away from you for too long.

No I won’t delay. You’ve had your arms around me ever since I got up.

I’m not being insensitive. I think you’re the one asking a bit much.

I have to exercise some control. Sometimes I don’t want to leave but you know that can’t be.

You should be happy I’m a bit hungry. Oh, I know you don’t want to make it any worse. I know you are what Love asks of you.

Yes I know, of course, who would ask for something like this?

I’m going to the kitchen, now.

No please, for God’s sake, don’t come with me.

I’m sorry, I wasn’t being rude just a little on edge.

…no, I wasn’t thinking waffles and yes I know I haven’t had waffles in six months, not since we met. That’s okay, Bette was a bigger fan than I. You don’t have to tell me how much she enjoyed them; it was my pleasure to toast them up for her and yes she always complimented me on just the right amount of butter and syrup and don’t get me started on the separate dish with banana slices in the shape of a smiley face.

…how long? A half hour probably…oh you know; her least favorite food…that’s right scrambled eggs.

Why don’t you get some more rest; I’m sure you’re exhausted.

I know I am.

… you wanna be in the kitchen, okay if you insist. I thought I’d have the kitchen to myself but you never know these days.

I’m going to be making breakfast and busy doing that and no I am not ignoring you…

…it was okay, they were edible, I didn’t even think about there being good or no. At least I won’t get the hunger headache.

…just quietly sitting here and sipping the coffee …so you can read my mind; well I’m not surprised because Bette was pretty good at doing that back when……yes I’m going there but I’d rather you not come with me.

…okay come along if you must… God yes “La Boheme” and Bette at the Metropolitan Opera- the opera and the night that followed will forever live in my memory-I just can’t think too much about it now with you around.

No we don’t want to go there-okay, okay I did attack that omelet in New York like it was manna from heaven but what would Bette expect after wearing me out like she did, quite the tigress.  Room service wasn’t lost on her either.

I don’t want to seem ungrateful for a grab the star from heaven memory but…

…please give me some respite. It all hurts, it’s all painful. I know the arm of the couch is not a punching bag and I’m not hurting it so what’s the problem- yeah the hand is a little bruised-so what…anyway I’m not talking about physical pain I’m talking about something much worse-the kind of emotional hurt that asks forgiveness for something you only think about and not likely to follow through with.

You know you have something to answer for too…I’m having trouble getting on with my day…no, now one minute hear me out-I’ll be doing something-no it could be anything but the thing is it is getting done and with you by my side-imagine that…then you have to go off and nudge me ever so little-I want to issue a ‘cease and desist’ order but that is soon rescinded and before you know a tear here, a tear there and then I’m helpless and there everywhere.

There’s moving on for ya.

I have to admit it’s crazy-I do love you and all you represent and yes: You are sorrow. You are eyes closed tight in the missing. You are shortness of breath. You are chill-like shaking. You are clutching my body because there is no longer the beloved to hold onto. You induce a sleepless stay in the bed. And you now join us together; always there to represent Bette and her remarkable zest for life. You are my seawall to any erosion of memory no matter the anguish.

Yes the coffee is good as always and thank Bette for instructing me on the right number of scoops to get it just right-strong but not too.

No I have nothing going on-let me get the plates in the dishwasher and I’ll be there shortly. Yes I know the bedroom…

…I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling thinking of the love Bette and I shared and how beautiful and meaningful it was and is… and then I turned towards her side of the bed and with loving acquiescence let grief gently embrace me with tears and sorrow for she knew how fragile I was and would become.

Love To You All