“How you doing Bette?”

“I’m worried about John. He’s had a rough few weeks. I wish there was more we could do Simon Peter.”

“Simon is fine.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Peter is more for the formal occasions.”

“I see.”

“You’re new; give yourself time.”

“I will. I hope He doesn’t mind my preoccupation with John and his grief.”

“Not to worry. When it comes to matters of the heart…well I don’t have to tell you.”

“No you don’t Simon. “

“He’s still going to the bereavement support groups.”

“That’s good.”

“And he’s picking up the signs and writing them down but he hasn’t gotten them all.”

“That’s okay, I’m sure he’s gotten the ones that give him the most benefit.”

“He has.”

“Good and what else?”

“Enya and Tammy hear me and are right there for John. Did I tell you that Tammy, on her own mind you, sleeps right next to John’s pillow and when he faces my side of the bed Tammy is right there.”

“That is beautiful and you’re sure she’s not getting a little nudge from you?”

“Not at all. I swear to Him”

“We would rather you didn’t.”

“Oops.”

“Don’t worry about it. By the way I love cats.”

“I’m so glad to hear that. I always have.”

“I know.”

“It’s hard for me to be there. I don’t know when the overwhelming emotion will come and when it does and he succumbs my heart is broken. I feel so helpless.”

“You are helpless my child. We can not have it any other way. His Guardian Angel will notify us if anything is terribly wrong.”

“I haven’t forgotten. I think we were told that on Day 1.”

“You were. What else?”

“You know he wasn’t the best in keeping with his medication regimen. I fear it has gotten worse. I know in my heart John is not suicidal but too damn careless or absent minded for comforts sake. I worry.”

“I understand he will be more attentive, don’t worry Bette.”

“What else my dear?”

“He’s holding onto the grief and I know why. It’s his way of not letting me go. Even though the grief tears him up inside he has no use for a griefless alternative. It’s his way of treasuring our love. Is there anything we can do Simon?”

“I’m afraid not. He loved you very much Bette as I know you loved him and the quality of the love, often times , dictates the duration of grief. He may be at this for awhile.”

” In the meanwhile?”

“You pray.”

“And have faith.”

“Of course.”

“He is stubborn and I’m so afraid in spite of everything We stand for he may embrace nihilism. I suspect in a dark corner of his mind it waits for a tug.”

“Remember Elizabeth you are his beacon and your light will penetrate. “

“I wish I could leave it at that Simon but there is one more thing that really worries me. John loves the Arts and especially music. One night I went to bed early and awoke at 2 upon hearing John cry. I asked him what was wrong and he said it’s over. ‘I don’t understand honey.’ ‘It’s over love, the music is over.’ Yes sweetheart but you can play it again.’ ‘I know and again it will be over.’ ‘What can I say, John?’ ‘Nothing Bette and listen to me; you are my music and aside from the occasional discord harmony reigns. I love you and us for that.’ ‘That’s beautiful John, how’s about we go to bed now.’ ‘I can live with that but I can’t live without my music.’ ‘We can play it again tomorrow.’ ‘No I mean I can’t live without you. I can’t ever be in a place where I am unable to play you again, you understand?’ ‘I do sweetheart and I’m not going anywhere so I will be in the player at all times. I love you and now let’s get some needed sleep.’

“We really frown on tears up here, Bette.”

“He was like a little boy, caught up in the beauty of music and not wanting it to be over and I should have slapped him right then and there. The music will die but that doesn’t mean the notes go forever un-played. He has to come around to that. Please help him Simon.”

“He is already. There is a sweet melody in a bright corner of his mind that is now a little faint but soon will be heard for the beautiful song it is and it is your song Bette the notes are made of your essence and John will know that. Trust in Us.”

Love To You All