It is no use asking You how You are because You are me and I am You and I am not doing well so I imagine the same is with You.

I cry every night and pray Your Son will soon bring me to our beloved.

I think of You being the Host to the loved ones who are no longer with me and I know their happiness is beyond my comprehension. I envy them.

My fellow beings talk about how natural it is to grieve the loss of a loved one. And yet The Creator in guiding our evolution of consciousness has seen to a response of intractable resistance to a life of quality after she is gone. How natural is it that grief may ask more than we can give and in the giving succumb to a shadow of our self?

You know 64 years and I’m still not sure Original Sin is reason enough to demand a death sentence. Just thought I would give my opinion on that for what it’s worth.

Hey! You sure Bette and I got the right script? The curtain comes down too damn early!

Why does death render us dumb not as in stupid though one can feel quite inadequate in wrapping your mind around what just occurred but in having little voice in speaking to the unbearable grief.

You know my Dear Fellow or Madam there is no moving on. For the time I had with Bette there is no parallel or surpassing. I am beautifully, wonderfully, and happily stuck in the moment.

It is hard writing to an entity especially when it is accepted by many that ‘said’ entity knows what you’re going to write before you write it. Be that as it may. A thought came to mind as I sat on the couch with legs crossed at the ankles. I was sitting for an hour before this thought came along and I’m grateful I was able to go that long without a significant thought. Then I thought I thought this thought before and thought I was in good Company. Here is the thought: There is so much written about You and at 64 years of age I’ve read just the tiniest fraction. What I find curious is I end up on a road of fear and no one bothered to give me a map so I could be guided by choice. How or why is it that many are more interested in the ‘how’ of things and less the ‘why’? It could be that most of us leave the ‘why’ to You like good creatures and pursue the ‘how’ in order to make something of this life. There are some current thinkers, held in high regard, who say philosophy is dead; I think they are on to something. I’m surprised it took this long seeing how every life succumbs to death and the loved ones have only grief to make sense of it.

I’m sure I’ll write again and I’d be honored if You’d give Bette my love.

There are a few parks in my neighborhood and on this day I went to the one Bette and I loved.

A song came on the radio titled “Call Me Al” by Paul Simon. “If you’ll be my bodyguard…I can call you Betty” are lyrics in the refrain.

I needed to hear that and thanked my Bette.

I turned off the radio, shed a few tears and took a sip of coffee.

Bette communicates through song, as you know, and before leaving the park I turned on the radio and sure enough a familiar song was there but my clever girl had it sent by way of the original composer and Rachmaninoff did not write lyrics to the third movement of his 2nd Symphony. The song I’m referring to is “Never Gonna Fall In Love Again” Eric Carmen.

Over the years Bette and I listened to the symphony a number of times and I have lacked the courage to play the CD since she passed away. That third movement of the symphony is so damn beautiful, romantic and melancholy; and We loved it.

I didn’t turn off the radio; what I did do was take my composition book and pen a few words that Rachmaninoff and Bette inspired.

How many grieving men and women are alone in their car, on a bench or taking a walk in a park somewhere in the world crying their eyes out because the love of their life has passed away.

How they long for the body they can’t embrace, the hand not to be held, the eyes no longer to get lost in.

I can only pray that we who suffer and lie awake at night will continue to meet the sunrises and they will bring us closer to our immortal love and we take solace in knowing grief will give way to eternal bliss.

Love To You All