As I grieve, my connection with the Divine seems more pronounced than ever. And I believe the reason is the contrast with my humanity.

I’m struck by the Divine’s willingness to accept and my willingness to resist.

The Divine Plan’s inclusion of suffering and death is difficult to fathom. At times I resist any acknowledgment of that; to what purpose I have no idea.

Understanding the Divine Connection is proving more arduous then ever. My faith is intact but it’s the comprehension of my faith that’s shattered. I feel abandoned by reason. Any harmonious connection I might feel toward existence is tempered by the horrific reality of discordant impermanence.

Lately I seem to have more faith in my body than my mind. The mind surveys all the nuances that grief has to offer and there are times when it is tricked into a moment of solace. The body will not stand for any deception; it hurts now as much as it did when Bette took her last breath.

The grief over the corporeal loss of Bette has given rise to reckless thoughts (forgive me love) regarding God’s Will, faith and our relationship with the Trinity.

And when I consider the possibility of predestination the only task left me is finding the string attached somewhere to my body and CUTTING IT.