“I’m not sure if I have the right room.”

“Are you grieving?”

“I am”

“Then yes, you are in the right room. My name is Professor.”

“I’m John. Is that it, just Professor?”

“Yes if you don’t mind?”

“Fine with me; to tell you the truth…”

“We accept nothing less.”

“I’m sorry-oh yes-I see-well as I was saying I’m not sure why I am here. The way I understand it; you suffer a loss and you grieve. What more can you do?”

“I don’t mean to sound mysterious but that really does depend on you. Who suggested you come to the class?”

“No one really. I finally got out and turned a corner and saw this glass building. I certainly got more curious when I saw the word Grief stenciled on the door.”

“That, by the way, is seen by only those who are grieving.”

“I was meant to be here?”

“It’s possible and I say that because you could have stayed home and not come upon us.”

“Us?”

“I’ll explain later, that is if you’re going to stay.”

“I think I should. Not that I feel compelled but Bette, my wife who passed, would want me to be here.”

“I’m sure. Please sit down.”

“Only one chair, I mean aside from yours.”

“That’s right.”

“No one else coming?”

“This class is for you only.”

“But like you said I may not have come.”

“We have a way of knowing before the person does.”

“I’m going to let that one go; is that okay?”

“For the best”

“Yeah I’m tired and it’s difficult figuring things out these days.’

“I’m sure.”

“Is there a woman available to do what you do?”

“Yes of course.”

“No offense but before this goes any further I’d rather it be with a woman.”

“None taken, I’ll see to it right away.”

“Thanks.”

John is going on six months since the passing of his wife Bette. It has been hell on earth because of the missing, the sorrow and the pain. For him entering the world of Grief is akin to being a boy and let loose in a mansion and the boy is alone, afraid and lost. He understands that each room he enters has something that may be of help but there have been a couple rooms where he has walked out of and is forlorn as ever. He thinks about leaving for a landscape where someone may be watching and waiting but for now each room beckons.

“Hi John.”

“Hi.”

“MY name is Dolores. I’m not as formal as Professor.”

“I suspected.”

“Why am I alone?”

“You mean in this room?”

“Yes.”

“You have your unique way of grieving.”

“I see folks outside in the courtyard.”

“Yes and they are sharing but it only goes so far. I and others here are willing to help you understand what you already know deep in your heart; Bette’s passing away has put you in a place where, sometimes, even God has to look for you.”

“That frightens me.”

“Don’t let it. Your mind is doing its best to help with your grieving and mourns for your grief having nowhere to go but to your soul and, yes, your soul is feeling lost and vulnerable right now.”

“I do pray and meditate. I try to make her proud but I don’t think she is working on that level. I feel her close but also far away.”

“A lot of unchartered territory and you do the best you can. We hope to be of help.”

“Good to know.”

“I have some questions regarding body, mind and spirit. Is that okay?”

“Yes, may I have a glass of water?”

“Here you are. Are you taking care of your physical health?”

“No, not really. Between the bed and the couch I don’t move very much. I think what I’m eating is okay nutritionally but it’s not much and I guess that’s why I’ve lost thirty pounds in the past six months. I’m sure my body is suffering the slings and arrows of my mental health.”

“Speaking of, how is your mind holding up?”

“Not too well. It is consumed with sadness and fear. I sometimes think of grief being a lake and I’m out there in the middle and sadness is at the ready to pull me under if it gets too bad. The fear of that happening is real but what I fear, possibly more, is losing my reasons for living. The loss of Bette is primary and has taken place. Other reasons hang in the balance; an interest and curiosity about life and the mind set of having something to look forward to. If my life is an engine and those reasons are my fuel then I’m running on empty.”

“And how is your spirit dealing with all that despair of body and mind?”

“You sound like a therapist.”

“Wonderful people.”

“Yes, they are.

I will say that my soul seems willing to let my Grief be found and my spirit seems to be ambivalent on how close it wants to get to my Grief and does it really want to rise and hover over my Grief, a kind of reconnaissance if you will, and provide a spiritual perspective which I’m not sure I even know what that means anymore because lately my spirit, seemingly against its will, has been in the trenches and receiving an onslaught of messages from the corporeal world concerning closure and such and it seems a bit down and confused and it saddens me because we always want to think of our spirit being kept up but now with Bette having passed away little reason is seen which makes for a doubtful future in that a future without Bette doesn’t hold any appeal so my spirit gaining some distance from the battleground goes on a quest to understand why it’s having difficulty getting through to me even though every fiber of my being envisions a reunion in the hereafter and what frustrates and concerns my spirit is its willingness to manage and carry on but the flesh is weak and strives for a winding down.”

“We appreciate your being so honest.”

“Considering I am in the thick of a core transition, dissembling would make no sense.”

“It takes awhile for some but in your case the awareness came early.”

“There was no alternative to denying the elemental truth of what I was and am suffering.”

“We hope to ameliorate some of that suffering.”

“Can I be bold and rude?”

“We are quite tolerant especially in light of what you are going through.”

“You want to make better the suffering? Kill me now and let’s get on with the reunion.”

“I’m so sorry to hear that John. Please understand we consider life precious and when the suffering and pain seem so hard to bear and death a better alternative we pray that you hold on and wait for the timely ending of your body.”

“I have to leave now. All of a sudden like the quick onset of a fever I’m feeling angry and to stay might be asking for trouble.”

“John I know there is no way you would hurt me.”

“That is true but there is someone else in this room.”

Love To You All