I meet with others who are experiencing grief and there is no place I’d rather be or not be.

I think of us being in a ocean with no boats or land to been seen and not one life jacket amongst us; only each other.

We clasp hands and buoy one another up and if we feel a downward motion, the one is found and we reach up toward the arm for a firmer grasp.

I must confess I am not taking full responsibility for my life. I have given some of that over to Bette since her passing. I will not judge myself on that score and just let things be.

Russell Library is a place I go to for a change of scenery and the occasional DVD. The books hold little interest other than the ones dealing with grief. I have no desire to read a novel but Bette felt otherwise.

The collection of new DVDs happen to be near the shelves of new fiction which I have ignored the past several months except the other day. I turned toward the shelving with front covers displayed and “Nora Webster” by Colm Toibin was right there in my line of vision. The author and his novel were new to me.

I read the inside jacket -Nora Webster recently widowed lost the love of her life- I just stood there.

Eventually I checked the book out of the library and I am reading it. I must quote a sentence; “It was as though she lived underwater and had given up on the struggle to swim towards air.” That is page 86 of 373 pages and I hope things get better for Nora. I wanted to let you know about that.

When I’m around people that have a good idea of what I am going through I feel so much being said without words as if our loved one who has passed into the spirit world is the translator of the silence.

The ocean’s rhythm is gentle and I imagine out of respect for the rough waters surrounding our hearts.

The departure of a member is to be expected and we only hope and pray God’s grace is with the person.

And then comes the inevitable splash giving rise to the compassionate wave of hands to let the person know they are not alone and to share their grief with us.

I will say it is terrific to have a member be called away to swim toward land only the person and departed loved one can see where they will walk the earth and not have solid ground give way beneath them but rather support them on the journey to reconciliation with death.

The person will find the strength to engage life and treasure the joy of a sparrow chirping. And speaking of a sparrow don’t mind my remembering Shakespeare’s Hamlet.

“…There is special providence in the fall of a sparrow. If it be now, ’tis not to come; if it be not to come, it will be now; if it be not now, yet it will come-the readiness is all…”

The readiness is where I faltered. But that won’t be the case when it’s my turn.

I will be so ready to be found by you dear Bette and reunite!

We will be in a Place of Eternal Life where grief doesn’t hold water.

Love to you all