Sunday afternoon 1 pm. I been up a few hours and not doing well.

Eastern thought talks about ‘Mindfulness’ and Bette and I talked about it being  a good thing but sometimes difficult to consistently embrace. I tell her now that I have no choice in the matter and she is in my thoughts every minute of every day.

I don’t know how I made it to June 14 and I don’t mean the alternative was dying; what I mean is my mind is still with Bette on her Death bed and the thoughts of our lives together. I am mindful of all we meant to each other.

The corporeal me is doing everything, I guess, it’s supposed to do: cry, no or little appetite, knot in stomach, ‘flush’ feeling in chest, anxiety, headaches, lethargy, fear.

The spiritual me is demanding answers not to be had and the little boy in me finds that unacceptable.

It is 6:20 pm and I going out for a drive and a coffee.

Love you all